I contemplated becoming a Buddhist monk.

For a period of time, I was feeling unmotivated. Depressed, perhaps. It seemed like nothing I did would matter. What's the point of doing anything?

Leaving behind worldly attachments seemed appealing. It was a romantic idea I entertained.

Well, I didn't end up becoming a monk. At least not yet. This post documents my thinking through the decision. And my renewed passion for life.



Teachings that Resonated

Much of Buddhist teachings rings true to me. Freeing oneself from suffering. Attaining a calm mind through spiritual practice. Living a peaceful life.

It resonated both on a conceptual and a visceral level. And I don't know how much of that came from hearing about it over time from my Buddhist mom.

I could always use more concentration. I could always use more mindfulness .



Leaving It All Behind

The life of a Buddhist monk would be simple. It would be a journey towards enlightenment.

It would mean letting go of my ego and desires. My hopes and dreams. My worries and anxiety. All of it.

It would mean walking away from my possessions and wealth. My comfortable urban lifestyle. My family and friends.

I would be at peace.



Testing the Idea

But of course, I wasn't going to just take the plunge without validating it in a low-risk way. After all, I had front-loaded my retirement before I started working full-time.

There was only so much I could learn about the Buddhist way of life from reading about it. To validate the idea, I visited several temples. Including a stay at Baekyangsa .

  In the process, I spoke with many monks about their experience. I learned a lot more about Buddhist practice. And got to eat some exquisite temple food. 😋

 Jeong Kwan seonim demonstrating her famous braised mushroom dish.



Calming Routines

The routines at a temple didn't seem too far from what I was used to. Over the years, several friends had remarked that I "lived like a monk" anyway.

Waking up at 4 AM was a bit early. But it was doable. And I quite enjoyed the tranquility that the early mornings afforded. I didn't mind the chores. In fact, it felt good to take responsibility to help maintain the temple.

What was the most powerful though, was the morning practice. In a dark room dimly lit with candles, we meditated. We performed prostrations. We chanted in unison. Simple acts, but they moved my soul.



Conversations With a Young Monk

At one of the temples, I met a young monk around my age. He went to college in New Zealand and was fluent in English.

Having a common language and cultural understanding made him extra relatable. Our conversations were a valuable resource for learning about practicing Buddhism in a modern context.

For him, Buddhist practice was not about strictly following the teachings and the scripture. It was the cultivation of the mind that he was after.

That resonated. It also made the idea of becoming a monk more personal. I could totally see myself becoming more like this guy.

And fun fact, I brought up the simulation argument and he too thought that it was likely we are living in a simulation.



Material Possessions

Having adopted a minimalist lifestyle, living an austere life would not be a big issue.

I didn't own much stuff to begin with. I owned (and still do) a total of five shirts (two of which are identical). And most of my material belongings fit inside a backpack.

I might smuggle in my morning croissant once in a while. But I would be OK for the most part.



Holding Onto Relationships

But one aspect of life that I have chosen not to leave behind was my earthly relationships.

Some of my happiest moments were with people I loved. Even plain rice tasted better when shared with loved ones. I also remembered how reading Tim Urban's " The Tail End " brought me to tears.

I cherished the relationships in my life. And I refused to give them up.

[🚨 Spoiler Alert] In a way, I felt like Aang (in Avatar) when he was trying to open his seventh chakra to get into the all-powerful Avatar State at will. The chakra was blocked by his earthly attachment. In Aang's case, it was Katara, his lover. For him, the decision was clear: "Why would I choose cosmic energy over Katara?" 



More Fully Participating in Life

I thought about it some more. It became clear to me that I did not want to sit out on life. I did not wish to retreat, to disengage, to let go.

Instead, I wanted to fully embrace life. All the pleasure and pain that it brings, in all its intensity. I wanted to feel the fiery passions. Taste the full spectrum of flavours. Experience the alternate states of consciousness.

Unsuppressed. Unbounded.

I wanted to not just understand timeless abstract principles. But to fully act out my role in my lifetime.



Creating My Own Meaning

My purpose in life is to feel. It is to create. It is to acquire wisdom and share it.

I want to serve others through my creations. Each day is a challenge I have to overcome, on my never-ending path to mastery.

I would rather live to become a village elder. Loved by the tribe. Scarred by his experiences in life. Respected for wisdom and contributions. That archetype appeals to me more.

There will be gains and losses. Ups and downs. Moments of pure joy. And misery and suffering.

So be it.